1. Write a poem every week.
2. Work out some more just at home / Practice more sports.
3. Finish my novel.
4. Post the song I’m into every weekend.
5. Drink a big bottle of water every day.

I decided I'm going to wait with the big holiday review & picspam for a few weeks, until everyone is home again - it's a lot of work and i'm sure i won't get many comments now and i need them. My ego wants to be fed, srsly.

Anyway, while in Italy I created another meme + survey and filled in the survey myself, too. I have the survey in Dutch + English, the filled-in version & the English meme under the cut.

I'm totally not doing fine btw. Confusion, confusion..

Anyway, here's the stuff.

I wrote a whole fucking post to explain myself, because I'm acting weird lately, and now it's fucking gone and I am crying. Livejournal always saves my stuff, and now it didn't. And I copied it every five seconds, but I don't have it anymore. FUCKINGDAMN. I tried my ultimate best to help you guys understand me and it's GONE. I'm so mad and I - I just can't deal with it anymore. 

Yeah, well, let's start again and forget half of it. *still crying*

First of all: Don't read this is you're not in for moaning/drama, don't comment shit to make me feel even worse. Justcontinuewithyourlife.

Me. Sofie. Inside = Terrible. Looks = Normal, I guess. Grades..
I had my grades, you know. I used to have good grades and that made my parents proud of me. But the last few weeks, I didn't study at all for the exams, and I do regret that now - really. I'm going to get my grades Friday and they're going to suck and my parents are going to be disappointed. I already disappointed myself, and now my parents. Why the fuck didn't I study.. I don't know. I think I couldn't handle it anymore. BEH.
Well, so now the grades are gone. So maybe me being beautiful can compensate that? Yeah, not really, since I'm not. You know, when I was young, I used to be a beautiful, shiny, happy girl. But I am what people made me. And sadly enough, the people who I want to think I'm pretty, don't. Or don't let it show :') But they just don't. And that made me feel bad about myself. You know, looks are overrated, by me. I don't care about other people's outside, I really don't. But I care too much about mine. You know, when I have a good day, when I have a good hairday, when I'm with friends, when I'm wearing a nice outfit (i don't like all my clothes ^^') and all, I can sometimes even think I'm pretty - But that doesn't happen a lot. I had a very good weekend, I really liked it and with my new haircut and new clothes, I really liked me. I did a big photoshoot with my best friend, and I liked many of the pics - but when I saw them again today, I thought I looked horrible on almost all of them. It depends. So now, can't have it of the looks.
And don't get me started about the inside. I fucking hate my inside. I'm so damn sensitive, I cry like all the time. Where is the wonderful time I used to cry about losing Monopoly, instead of crying because some boy I have a crush on doesn't notice me at all? It hurts, it really does. People make me feel bad and hurt me all the time, most of the times without even realizing it. You know, I'm so jealous. If a boy says 'Wow, that girl is pretty', I interpretate it as 'Wow, that girl is so much prettier than you'. And when one of my friends says something about her friends, then I'm like 'Oh god, why am I not like her friends'. I'm so jealous. Not even just in real life. You guys hurt me too, a lot. Not on purpose, of course, But I'm just hurt very easily. I cry very easily. I hate myself, I can't love myself, no matter how hard I try. I think. 
That, and me being so dámn'd insecure. I can't ever feel good about myself and be strong about things. Wherever I go, I think people stare at me, or are like 'Oh gosh, look at her', or don't ever want to talk to me. I don't know how I grew up to be like that.. Again: I am what people made me. I don't know why.. Hm, what else was I going to say. I really don't remember.. Damn LJ. Oh yeah, my lack of talent. I'm really not able to find something I'm really good at. Except crying, lol. Cheer. But it would help me if I was really good at something and people'd admire me. But I'm not. And people don't. I want people to take me as I am, but I can't even do that myself. How hypocrite is that anyway. 
Okay, I can't think of anything I still wanted to say, but I know there are things left unsaid. Well, maybe I'll update this post if something pops into my head. For now, I think this'll do.

Please don't think of me as totally depressed. I'm not. I just don't really like myself. And it's not that I can't be happy. I really am happy a lot, like yesterday and Saturday - but I am always feeling this way, so I wanted to explain, and I hope I managed to to that. It doesn't matter if I'm happy or not, this feeling will stay. I don't know if I'll ever get rid of it. Maybe if I have a sweet, caring boyfriend one day. IF. I don't know. We'll see, right.
Oh gawd. Now I hate myself for posting this. I've been thinking about writing this a few days now, and I figured I could do it because it's a pretty long time ago I posted this sort of crap. And I know these are not really problems, but they are problems to me, mkay? So understand it and deal with it, or walk away. I don't want you guys to like, watch your steps and be sure to never say anything about a good friend or pretty girl to me or whatever-shit, but I just really wanted you guys to know. 

Hey, thanks for reading all this if you did. I really appreciate it :)

Hey my dearest people!!
I have a new graphics community, with changetje, manoukje, kirssy and partofatale!
I'd be forever grateful if you join!

Right now, there is a contest running too!
This is our first contest at lookafteryouu! Because this is a new community, it's hard to find new members, so we want you to help us! The only thing you have to do, is get people to JOIN this community. All the makers will be forever grateful, but thát's not all...

You can also receive REQUESTS!
Per person you get to join, you get one icon request! So if you get five people to join this community, you get five requests of various makers here. The icons & members are unlimited! :D The person who gets the most people to join, also receives five extra icon requests and two header/banner requests! :D

NOTE: If someone joins because of you, please let him/her comment here saying he/she's directed by you!
Otherwise, it doesn't count! And also, you, yourself, need to join too!

Thank you all so much in advance! :D

Start pimping this community! :)

So hurry up and go to lookafteryouu! Maybe even get people to join! :D

<33

lookafteryouu

Yes, my friends, you read it well:

I'M BACK IN ICONLAND!

I've been practicing the past few evenings and I think I'm not doing very bad. The four months, or so?, stop, has surely done me good. So to celebrate photoshop is totalleh back, I TAKE REQUESTS:

I'm taking only FIVE requests, if they can be filled, because probably no-one requests anyway, but whatever. If it does turn out to be a success, I'll take some more later!

Please fill in:
HQ images (links; 1-3 pics):
Text?:
Other preferences?:

Thanks & enjoy! :) I'm not sure yet how many icons I'll make for all.. Just give some pics and I'll see what I can do :)

I have always wanted to create my own meme.. So here it is :o)
It kind of already exists, but the themes are a bit different ^^
I'd be very glad if you did it :D Thanks!

MY LIFE IS MUSIC MEME:
Read my own meme and comment if you think something's funny. Then copy the meme and fill it in yourself! You fill it in by setting your music librairy to shuffle and pressing next every time you answer a question. It's not really about the artist, more about the title. No cheating! Then post it to your LJ! You may tag people, but you don't have to.

1. This describes you the best:
Destination unknown (by Alex Gaudino) -- teehee, you never know what you're gonna get with me :)
2. This is your vision of life:
What what (in the butt) (by Samwell) -- omg xD okaaaay.
3. Your biggest fear:
Just friends (by Gavin DeGraw) -- ahww, that's kinda true. to have friends in my future life, but always 'just friends'.
4. This is what you're constantly thinking of:
Hey girl (by Zornik feat. Tom Helsen) -- hm, maybe 'hey boy'?
5. This is your future job:
Home (by Alexi Murdoch) -- hm, kind of a boring job, isn't it?
6. You're crazy about:
Real girl (by Mutya Buena) -- true :D
7. If you'd be a king/queen, this would describe the country you ruled: 
One (by A chorus line) -- yeah, i'd probably rule only one country xD
8: This is your lucky song:
Ignorance is a bless (by Thijs feat. Felix) -- aahww ):
9. This describes your future boyfriend/husband:
Fuck you right back (by Frankee) -- hahaha oh my god, that's not very positive XDD
10. Your biggest wish:
Do your thing (by Basement Jaxx) -- that's kind of true.. to just do my thing and still be damn'd hot and popular :')

That's all I can think of.. Feel free to add something :D

Now it's your turn! B)